I have been trying to get pregnant for over 2 years now. While I know that many have tried longer and maybe even harder, I am letting go now.
Two IUI’s, two IVF’s, countless procedures, and one miscarriage……I’m letting go.
Tears, pain, questioning, reasoning, rationalizing, wanting and waiting……I’m letting go.
Painful injections, horrible side effects, thousands upon thousands of dollars…..I’m letting go.
I’m letting go, giving up, and surrendering. It feels wonderful and I am at peace.
If I am meant to be a mother, God will put a series of events into place to make that happen.
When looking at my life, I can honestly say that I love everything about it. I have a great husband, wonderful friends, and every day is an adventure. For the last 2 years, there has only been one thing missing…..a child.
I cannot do it anymore. I cannot tell myself the lie that I will only be happy if I am a mother. It is the GREAT lie. Any time that I tell myself that I can “only be happy if”, I need to closely examine my spiritual condition.
All of the beautiful gifts that God has given me in my life have come without me having to force it. I cannot force this either.
I’m letting go and letting things fall where they are supposed to.
…..and I am at peace.